“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.â€
“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.â€
“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?â€
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.â€
“A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ‘no’.â€
“Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.â€
“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.â€
“I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.â€
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.â€
“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like… making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.”
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