They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry-in-motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a desk-chair. (Equal Rites)

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts. That way, everyone’s happy. (Brutha, Small Gods)

Let’s just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he’d be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting ‘All gods are bastards’. (about Rincewind, The Color of Magic)

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things. (Equal Rites)

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles — kingons, or possibly queons — that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed. (Mort)

He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. [footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit.] (Sourcery)

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